Monday, January 26, 2009

Emergency! Emergency! All Hands on Deck!

The Director rallies her troops and heroically answers the call to battle:

This is not a drill; all hands on deck!
This project is our number one priority!

Thanks for being so prompt everyone. As I said this is our number one priority and I would just like to take a moment to cover some key points. You may not be familiar with this project since I’ve only talked with the consultants. You also might not fully understand the sheer magnitude of this project. But make no mistake – this is extremely important for all of us as it will save my ass from an almost certain demise.
Now, let’s start with the first point…

Wait…um…is this everyone? I thought I made myself very clear by saying, “all hands on deck.”
I’m sorry; did you not understand what I said?
Could you round everyone up Frank?

Ah, that’s better, thank you Frank. As I was saying, I shall cover some key points. I talked extensively with the consultants about this and they haven’t done jack. The V.P. told me if I didn’t straighten out my ass, he'd throw it out on the street. Well, I don’t have to tell you…

Um…I guess I didn’t make myself clear?

I said, “All hands on deck.” Well? Come on…do I have to do everything for you? Yes, all hands.

Oh, well done everyone! See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?
I’m so proud of you.
See what happens when we all work together?

We can accomplish so much.

Oh, I should probably mention that we will need to make some difficult decisions to navigate this rocky road. I should also mention that we only have a limited number of tools at our disposal.

In the end, I know that we will pull together for this time of crisis. We always do. I also know that when you come together, you will see that there must be sacrifice in the end to get the job done. In the end, your sacrifice will help us complete this project!

Now just relax...