Other Ponderables

I had to take a small break from commenting on the voodoo dolls especially when I read my horoscope last night.

I actually prefer reading my horoscope late in the evening. I realized a long time ago that horoscopes were not my thing. Leo always seems to have the best horoscopes while mine (Aries) are either wimpy or impossibly vague.

Seriously.

The horoscopes for Aries suck ass – and Aries are listed first in the horoscope so, every morning, I am the first in line to suck ass.

Anyway, reading my horoscope at the end of the day provides me with these three things:

1. Helps me evaluate my day.
2. Lulls me into a hypnotic trance for another sleepless night.
3. Provides evidence that people can spell and form complete sentences unlike some members of the Associated Press.

But I had a bit of trouble interpreting my horoscope yesterday. Here it is, written by Holiday Mathis from Creators Syndicate:

“The decision is yours and yours alone – for a limited time only. If you decide not to make it, it will be made for you. Either way, you’re taken care of, so be happy and worry-free.”

Well…it does accomplish number two and three on my list but I don’t know about number one…

I can’t really evaluate my day because I made no decisions yesterday. Okay, no important decisions unless this is referring to the clerk asking me if I wanted sweetener in my Starbucks ice tea. I would hope a horoscope wouldn’t worry about such trivial things in people’s lives but I could be wrong.

After all, horoscopes do not come with any disclosures. For example, all of the commercials for Oregon State Lottery say that the lottery “should be considered a form of entertainment and should not be played for investment purposes.” Maybe this horoscope isn’t talking about the sweetener in my ice tea but all of the baby boomers who have to decide whether to sell their failing stocks or keep them. Maybe it refers to people stricken with cancer who need to decide if they should have risky surgery. The surgery may only extend their lives for six months. Maybe horoscopes are meant to help people make these kinds of decisions.

Or maybe the horoscope is for entertainment purposes only and it did refer to the sweetener in my ice tea.

She still forgot to add it to my tea.