Tuesday, January 26, 2010


In November, I began learning a new computer program on a new network and since then, I have the same conversation everyday with my computer. I would like to share that conversation for you.

BB: (function key) Computer? (function key again) Computer...hello?

Computer: (Snort!) Hey duuuude, whoa man, who turned on all the lights?

BB: (hit function key for a third time) Computer? Hello computer, could you please...

Computer: Hey man I'm serious, who turned the lights on in here? It's like, really bright man.

BB: Computer, since you're awake, could you look up some information for me? I'll, I'll turn out the lights for you?

Computer: Uh...um...I uh...yeah! Hey I could do that for you man. So let's do this, alright! (initial window pops opens)

BB: (type some information into initial window, hit "enter") I need you to find more information on this. This information please? He-hello? (function key)

Computer: Okay, let's do this! (initial window pops open...again)

BB: I did, I gave you some information, go look it up, go on, it won't bite, give it a try (hit "enter").

Computer: Oh! Oh yeah, dude here's your information (after 20 seconds a new window pops open with bevey of information)! Oh man that's AWESOME, I didn't know I could do that. Duuude!

BB: Thank you, that's very nice work. Let me just take a look at this, okay that's great, this is just what I need. Okay, so now I need to have you perform XY and Z. How do I get you to perform XY and Z?

Computer: Oh, that's easy, you can do that a couple of different ways. Under my first menu, use Alt "D," "K" or "R." If you need more information, you can go to my second menu and select Alt "M"...or was it Alt "N?"...I get those two confused.

BB: Alt "M" or "N?" First or second menu? How many menus and commands do you have? What is all this crap?

Computer: Hey! Hey don't touch that, you'll blow this place sky high man! (snicker) I got you man! I got you! (laughter followed by a snort). Seriously though, I have like eight menus and hundreds of commands. I'm not sure what you need 'cuz they all sound the same to me but hey, don't use the wrong one cuz it's a b*tch to fix a mistake.

BB: What the? I think that command is illegal in the State of Utah...ah, okay, here we go. ("Menu one," Alt "K"). Did that make sense? Computer? Hello?

BB: Are, are you still there?

Computer: I don't know what you did man but here's an error message.

BB: Why are you giving me an error message, you haven't done ANYTHING?! I haven't done anything! Your not supposed to give me an error message! Try it again and do it faster this time, you're so slow!

Computer: Oh sorry, no can-do man but here's an error message again. Oh, hey, did you see? I did that faster this time. Hey man, see you later.


The Frog Queen said...

Photoshop? That is my guess :D


Babbling Banshee said...

Actually Photoshop is an angel compared to this (mangled and nasty) piece of programming.

It's hard to tell what the programmers were smoking at the time.

The Frog Queen said...

Well, you know programmers.....they are not really human :D


Babbling Banshee said...


A-HA! So THAT'S their secret!