Instructions

I must confess that I know absolutely nothing about voodoo dolls. I know that there are very specific instructions to make them and to use them…but I must confess that I’m more of a “do it yourself” kind of gal.

Usually “do it yourselfers” fall into two categories: people who read instructions and people who read AND follow instructions. Most of the time, I do fall into the latter category but this is difficult since I have to read the instruction manuals for the new machines. I always get frustrated and have to scream for you to hand me the stupid remote because you don’t know what the heck you're doing AND if you’d listen to me I wouldn’t have to repeat myself fifty times to you…

It was time to cut loose.

Technically I did find literature on how to make and use a voodoo doll. I technically read a few sentences on the subject…while it does not make me an expert on the subject, I do feel confident that I have some viable material to work with. I am talking about a Hello Kitty Doll. Also, the Hello Kitty Doll is a bit of a sore spot from my youth…making this an ideal situation to let out a little steam.
So, throwing complete caution to the wind, here are my original instructions for the Hello Kitty Voodoo Doll…and some language… it’s a strong doll so it can carry the strong language (much like a sparkly little handbag).


How to Use the Hello Kitty Voodoo Doll

1. Set doll on flat surface such as a bar stool.
2. Select phrase and straight pin. See color chart.
3. Visualize phrase and select body part on doll.
4. When ready, begin to stab doll with pin while screaming phrase.
5. Stab doll firmly and repeatedly. Scream phrase frantically and loudly.
6. Stop when barmaid asks you to leave.

Color Chart/Phrase Chart for Hello Kitty Voodoo Doll
(Each color listed below refers to a colored straight pin and each colored pin is associated with a phrase.)
Green – F*ckin’ Jerk
Blue – F*ckin’ Idiot
Red – F*ckin’ Asshole
Yellow – F*ckin’ D*ck
Pink – F*ckin’ B*tch
Purple – F*ckin’ Liar
White – Dumb A**