Setting the Record Straight

I just want to let you know that I was not the bearer of bad news today.

I use to be the bearer of bad news at work and at home but no more! I’ve turned a new leaf! I’ve learned my lesson and my lips are sealed! Here are some examples of the new mantras I chant:

Sales are strong!

Business is booming!

The economy is doing great!

The weather is sunny and that is not an error message on your monitor saying, “PC load letter!”

Oh, by the way, your great aunt who has terminal cancer finally moved to her beloved exotic island so that she could paint pictures of all of her new young native lovers. She is alive and well but the village where she lives does not have a telephone so you will never be able to talk with her again.

Besides, she’ll be too busy painting all those cute boys and drinking delicious fruity drinks to talk to you!

See? It’s all rainbows, lollipops and unicorns from here on out. And if you heard otherwise, remember, you did not hear it from me!

Probably should have had one of these suckers in the room!

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