Halloween Costume

We had a lot of fun at the Davis Graveyard Halloween party this year - thank you Frog Queen for the invitation!

We always have a great time at the party but this year was particularly fun because myself and my guests were able to coordinate a group costume.

That and I was able to successfully beat InDesign into submission.

I know, I know, two coups for one event, I will never be this lucky again!

I and my guests number six and we all decided that it would be lovely to dress as a team. During the brainstorming session, my Sweetie suggested the idea of a swim team and thus our costume idea was born.

It was such an tantalizing idea! We would become a cohesive unit working together to accomplish one goal. If one of us wasn't working his or her tail off, he or she would be there to support the others; cheering the rest on to victory...um, party victory...or in this case, inebriation.

As you know, every team needs a mascot and our team was no exception. And so, mustering all of my clever design skills and my astute drawing capab- a-ha-ha-ha! I crack myself up sometimes! I sat down and scribbled out a mascot and then spent the next two or three days screaming at my computer in the hopes that it would play nice and give me a descent logo that we could use for our costume.

At long last, our mascot and logo was designed and in a suitable file format. We gazed upon our mascot and felt a new sense of camaraderie that we had not felt before. Though we were already friends, we became a machine, working together for the greater good. We were in this together to accomplish our goal. We ordered our sweat clothes and coordinated meeting times with a new sense of vigor.

Were we an Olympic grade team? Who knows, but someone made gold shiny medals for everyone to wear. Her efforts helped exemplify that although we physically did not have gold Olympic medals, our mental state achieved platinum.

We gathered before the party to review our strategies and iron the logos onto our sweat clothes thus providing the feather in our caps before the big night.

Why all this effort over a swim team? Because on that night, we represented one of the most important swim teams know to man.

I should probably introduce you to our mascot. Meet Herm the Sperm!

Oh, did I mention we dressed as the Fallopian Swim Team? The blue logos were for the boys and the pink logos were for the girls.

And a big thank you to Mark for the mascot's name - it really suits him! I love the way it just rolls off my tong- um, it sounds great!

We were even good enough to qualify for sponsorship this year! Look at all the wonderful sponsors we scored!

The list of sponsors might look a little suspicious...like I randomly grabbed some of the logos off the internet and slapped them together but I can assure you that each of these logos were arranged in InDesign with the utmost care.

And many shameful naughty little words.

Something Something Blah Blah Blah

In my effort to fill every moment of my waking day as well as learn the bizarre workings of Adobe Illustrator, I drew a cartoon.

The drawing is actually posted on my new blog and the picture below should take you to that new blog. I started this other blog in an attempt to actually organize this blog. Ha! I know, I give it a week too! :D

My intention with this new blog is to electronically capture some bizarre notebook scribbles that I've collected over the years and display them to the public. Unfortunately, I do not have a display schedule worked out because it took hours to draw this first one. Hours! Three to four hours worth of work and...not much of a scribble , is it?

Regardless, I hope you enjoy these occasional scribble interludes.

Preventing Chubby Demons

Since April, I’ve talked to quite a few friends and family members as well as blogged about being laid off. While these endeavors have not exorcised my personal demons, I feel that I’ve at least encouraged them to have a more active lifestyle.

My Sweetie doesn’t seem to mind having chubby demons. I, on the other hand, do not want them to be a burden on our healthcare system nor do I want them to start vying for my food. That’s my vanilla cupcake and I’m going to eat it!

Organizational Chart

Everyday on my way to work, I drive by a huge field. On one side of the field, there is a line of young trees. Giant birds of prey insist on perching in these trees to survey the field for their next meal. There must be tons of food wandering around in the field because the birds are there every day.

I like looking at the birds because so many of their fields were recently plowed under and turned into housing developments and strip malls. While I like seeing these guys, I have to laugh at them because the limbs on the trees are thin and cannot support the weight of the bird without bending. Also the bird is flopping around a bit in the tree from the wind, rain or that the branch breaking.

When I look at these giant birds in these tiny trees, I can't help but think about how they represent what happens in some companys. There are all these huge fish in a tiny pond but of course fish don't look like magnificent creatures, especially when they are sitting in trees. So these raptors do a better job to represent the magnificent creatures of a company.

Below is a watercolor rendition of a raptor in a tree.


Unfortunately I only had time to paint one bird. If I had started painting earlier in the day, I could have added more birds to the tree thus creating an organizational chart.

New Tools of the Trade

Sorry to be talking politics again but it seems that the pollster will be working for a couple more days. After conducting my interview with V, I realized that there might be pollsters out there who need a better tool to successfully perform an exit interview.

I was fortunate not to need such a device. It was like V understood that it was her responsibility to bring what she needed our interview. But I must admit that some pollsters may not be so fortunate.

I racked my brain to design a microphone that would be functional as well as comfortable. I like the freedom that accompanies battery operated devices but I wanted to make sure that this microphone was not bulky, heavy or awkward. Below is my design for the pollsters.



I think this will work.

I have a feeling that both the pollsters and the vagina voters will appreciate its sleek design, comfort and high absorbency. Even the cord enhances the microphone’s performance by protecting against unexpected leaks. Also note how smooth and wide the top part of the microphone is. It’s almost “pearl” like.

Caught in Mid-thought

I realized a couple weeks ago that my profile is still incomplete. I did write a brief description of myself and I still consider it a crowning achievement because it is under 1,050 characters. I’m not sure who won the pool but I think it was a rather large sum of money…

Come to think of it…my sweetie was wearing some very nice pants this month…he normally only wears pants for “special” occasions such as painting the house, visiting old friends or buying his latte…hmmm…

Back to my profile! I realized that I never posted a photo of myself online. I’m not sure how important this is but I do feel a bit…naked…or a “voice without a head” so to speak. I wanted my photo to really capture "my essence" but I’m not much of a photographer. I also don’t have Photoshop to take care of those major blemishes…you know…especially the horrible one in the middle…what’s it called…oh yes, my face.

So here’s what I came up with, I call it, “Caught in Mid-thought.”



It takes a lot of energy for me to think...more than I would like to admit.

I also can’t remember anything so I have to write down everything before I forget but that is a separate drawing (one that involves me searching desperately for a pen and paper. Usually for 30 minutes).

So this is me when I’m thinking. And it’s really odd because people often ask me if I am okay. I have no idea what my face looks like when I am concentrating but I figure this drawing is fairly close. Note the arched eyebrows and pierced lips…well…my mouth is just a line in this drawing…I can’t really draw either…

I’m pretty sure my eyes do this because some people ask me if I need a drink of water or to sit down. My hair isn’t affected by my thinking…it’s always on the fritz.

I can assure you that I do feel fine and should feel even better when I have a spiffy new job some where over the damn rainbow where unicorns live in harmony with the damn elves and V.P.'s actually give a flying fuck.

Pet projects can be good

Everyone wants to give back to the community.

People want to come together and help others out. And help comes in many forms including fundraising or "increase the awareness" events. Sick and hungry children need help and social problems need to be discussed!

That's why pet projects are important. Pictured below is a rough sketch that represents a typical pet project and all the necessary ingredients to sustain even the most robust social program...to help the...the people? The people of the communi...this does help the community, right?

This program does what? This program helps the...Historical Cake Pan Society?

Oh...cake pans? Really? I didn't notice that...um...pans? No sick kids, huh?

Hmmm...I...um...that's...no I don't want any cake...

Which one fits the round hole?

No matter how hard some people try, they just don't get it.
Thankfully there are plenty of round holes in the world that need to be filled.
Sometimes people have to use whatever is handy.

With the right packaging and marketing

We can sell anything.

The right packaging helps protect these delicacies as they go to market.

It also serves as an important tool to advertise these morsels while developing as strong brand recognition.

These dainty tidbits are transformed from the ordinary

to the extraordinary as people realize what they've missed all these years.

Of course, marketing wouldn't hurt.

The Venn Diagram

Ah yes, the good old Venn diagram. A staple that we see at any School of Business. Here we see the common ground between two groups of...hmmm...that's a funny diagram...


Looks more like a...okay, who put a diagram of their butt in the PowerPoint presentation?! People!

That's not very professional!

Just look at that drawing...it's horrible. Is that even a butt?

Upper view of butt plug crossbow

I know. It's a little work to load this puppy

but it's well worth the effort.

(sigh) I wish I had one of these suckers last week!

Some things are unavoidable

Stupidity can be difficult to avoid.

Sometimes you are able to overt your eyes but other times you are forced to look at it directly in the face...and watch out! It's like looking at the sun! You can just feel your retinas burning!

Whatever you do, don't laugh or cry! Stupidity does not like humor because it doesn't understand it.

"You are very mean to laugh at me. You made me cry," it will say.

If you cry, Stupidity will think you are being funny and laugh at you.

You can't win. You can't even talk.

Take Tweedy Dumb and Tweedy Stupid below. Try to get a word in edgewise. You can't do it because their mouths are permanently open. Even if they heard you speak, they wouldn't understand you.

It wouldn't be so bad if they just sat in a corner and ingested a ball of yarn because it sounded fun. Unfortunately they don't do that. Maybe if I set out little packets of ketchup...

Hey! My car is white!

I reclaimed my Corolla from the forest this weekend.

Apparently they will become ferrel if left

unattended for a few months

(like some of the neighborhood children).

Thankfully, I was able to wash it before someone

claimed it as spotted owl habitat. I moved quickly after

I saw an official turtle counter from

the U.S. Fish and Wildlife. Unfortunately, the Bush

Adminstration recommends that my car

be added to the list for exploratory oil drilling.

Television executives only have one criterion when selecting a sitcom

I must admit, it is a good one and it explains a lot too.

Maybe it helps line up corporate sponsors for a show.

Personally, there's only so many laxatives I can take that

they have to look for fresh blood...or stool.

I am woefully unprepared today

Today I forgot my knee pads but I see

that my supervisor remembered her whip.

It will be a uncomfortable day...wait a minute...

what's up with the day sucker and the troll doll...

Dress For Success

I realized, very recently, that

my idea of business attire is woefully narrow.

Gone are the days of the pleat pressed moo-moo,

white spats and the silk tube top.

I must look towards the future and await my destiny.

Many are the possibilities including: a leather blazer,

stiletto ballet shoes, a pair of binoculars and

a french dip.

Updated Business Model

It is important to develop

a working model of your organization.

This model helps you develop an analytical framework

to study your business problem/opportunity.

And with it, you should be able to identify

strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats.

In the end, you will have actionable behavior

that takes advantage of your strengths and opportunities while

minimizing your weaknesses and threats.

Of course, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Ha! Boobie Trap!

Underwire bra my ass!

Still...at least someone out there really likes them but

I would be careful of the floral print.

You never know what could be lurking!

How accents affect words

"The lard be with you."

"And also...with you..."

Idiots: Part III

It takes an idiot to raze a village.