Is It a Sign?

If it is a sign, I'm not sure what it means...

I should back up a bit to tell you a tale of fascination, horror and laughter. Yesterday, I was returning from jury duty (a horrible experience that I do not want to repeat - but more on that later). I looked in my rear view mirror and noticed an old Chevy Suburban behind me. The vehicle was not far behind me but my annoyance gave way to fascination when I noticed it was orange.

At this point, you're probabling saying to yourself that my story seems pretty innocent. You might even be saying to yourself, "Oh Babbling Banshee, this story couldn't possibly end THAT way. That would be INSANE!" I must add that normally you would be correct.

Even I thought that there was no way that this story could end THAT way. No one would do that sort of thing...not to a Suburban...but over the years I've discovered how often I am wrong. I underestimate people and how they function...or move...or think... I've seen spinners on a minivan and racing stripes on a Chevy Suburban (at least, I think it was a Suburban but I was laughing too hard to tell).

And so the orange Suburban finally pulled up alongside me in the right lane. Yes Virginia, it was painted like the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazzard. I'm not sure what this means in the grand scheme of the universe but it did may me laugh. In a horrified sort of way.

A Message for the Younger Folks

I know that eleven o’clock is “magic hour” where you cruise the streets with your radios turned up and your car windows rolled down but please remember that many neighborhood windows are open during these warm summer evenings.

Please keep the Billy Joel music to a reasonable volume. The older folks are trying to sleep.

Just Can’t Make This Up

I meant to write a blog entry all day, but I was blocked by a lack of time, low energy and zero focus.

As luck would have it, I came upon several strange and wonderful (creatively speaking) Associated Press and Reuters articles featuring odd bits of news. Individually these articles deal with death, violence and drunken badgers – pretty serious subjects but together, these articles become more than the sum of their parts. They seem to form a gestalt entity if you will, more powerful than Voltron or Legion, that wields…okay, maybe not that far…

But I have to admit, I just can’t make this stuff up. Take a look at what the Associated Press and Reuters found:

1. Man dies after falling into vat of chocolate in NJ – AP
2. Cops: Nude man shows up at dental office days late – AP
3. Drunk badger blocks German road – AFP
4. Drunk badger disrupts traffic in Germany – Reuters
5. Ohio woman, 75, accused of beating fawn to death – AP
6. U.S. chicken feet are being booted out of China – Reuters
7. Game show looks to convert atheists – Reuters
8. Drunken tractor driver leads police on slow chase – Reuters
9. It’s not slang! Nev. Court permits ‘HOE’ license – AP
10. Turtles crawl on runway, delay flights at JFK – AP
11. Man ‘driving commando’ pulled over for speeding – AP

As they say, truth is stranger than fiction.

Job Listing on Craigslist

While scoping out Craigslist for employment opportunities, I ran across this ad in the “Best of Craigslist” area:

Cabana Boy NEEDED - Start ASAP
Date: 2009-05-22, 2:45PM PDT

In general... on hot days like these we need some support while we relax out in the sun...

Job Duties and Requirements:
-Must be able to operate a blender
-Must be experience with working iPod's
-Good with oil and sunscreen
-Must wear uniform
-Must enjoy sun and water
-Hand grape feedings necessary
-Be willing work at moments notice

This is an excellent position for anyone that needs to get a little Vitamin D and enjoy some sexy ladies' company. This is a non-paid internship, but the perks are excellent: drinks, company and laughs! Please send picture and measurements (don't be disgusting!). SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

While I am not qualified for this job, I certainly appreciate anyone who meets these qualifications.

The bitter tang of the self-important fruit.

How will I know if the orange is being smug?

I know this polar bear is listening for seals.

But in my heart, I want to believe that he needs

a butt scratch.

For a butt in need is a butt indeed.

Talk Like a Pirate Day is coming up.

If you can't manage that try raping and

pillaging. Look! A little hat and an eye patch!

It all comes down to brainwashing.

I'm not too sure how this works but a bucket of warm soapy water and a thorough scrub around the occipital lobe and you should be good to go!

Unless your a zombie. Brainwashing might not be your thing but a fresh bucket of warm sudsy brains
might be pretty refreshing after a long day.

Earth Day 2009

Go out and celebrate by buying that coal burning

plant you've always wanted.

If you drink enough coffee

the voices in your head will eventually stop talking to you.

My French isn't very good but

I think I ate a Bichon Frise the other night.

Or it was a chateau brion...

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Viagra

Marketing Lesson #93: Everyone knows your

new product is coming. Don't wait forever to

announce the name of your new product.

People might fill in the blanks.